All about my life — the ups, the downs, the in-betweens — and making sense of it all.
22 March 2009 at 12:46 pm · Filed under Humour
Dear Daniel,
I don’t really know how to tell you this,but I’m joining a convent. I think I realized it when we skinny dipped in the bathtub with Jean Chrétien and I saw you bit off my illegitimate child in Ghana. I’m sure you’re high enough to understand that I may pee my pants. I’m returning your Hannah Montana underwear to you, but I’ll keep the oil tank from your car as a memory. You should also know that I get sick when I think of your feet and your cucumber fetishism is weird.
Kiss my butt,
Gay
Here’s how you do it:
Dear (someone you recently talked to),
I don’t really know how to tell you this, but (1). I think I realized it (2) (3) and I saw you (4)(5). I’m sure you’re (6) enough to understand (7). I’m returning (8) to you, but I’ll keep (9) as a memory. You should also know that I (10) and (11).
(12),
Name
1) What’s the color of your shirt?
Blue - I’m in love with your cat
Red - Our affair is over
White - I’m joining the Convent
Black -Our romance is over
Green- Our socks don’t match
Grey - You’re a leprechaun
Yellow - I’m selling myself for candy
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - Purple hedgehogs want to destroy you
Other -I dislike your eyelashes
2) Which is your birth month?
January - That night you picked your nose
February -When I quoted Forrest Gump
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on peanut butter
May - When I threw up in your sock drawer
June - When you put cuffs on me
July – When I saw the purple monkey
August - When you smacked my ass
September - Last year when you peed your pants
October - When we skinny dipped in the bathtub
November - When your dog humped my leg
December - When I finally changed my underwear
3) Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - In your apartment
Chicken- In your car
Pasta - Outside of your office
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad – As you were eating Kraft Dinner
Lasagna - In your closet
Kebab - With Jean Chrétien
Fish - In a clown suit
Sandwiches - At the Elton John concert
Pizza - At the mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a street light
Annat- With George Bush and Stephen Harper
4) What’s the color of your socks?
Yellow - Ignore
Red - Put whipped cream on
Black - Hit on
Blue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Carve your initials into
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - bit off
Orange - Castrate
Pink - Pull the pants off of
Barefoot - Sit on
Other - Drive over
5) What’s the color of your underwear?
Black - My boyfriend
White - My father
Grey – The Catholic Priest
Brown – The Montreal Canadian’s goalie
Purple - My corned beef hash
Red – My knee caps
Blue - My salt-beef bucket
Yellow - My illegitimate child in Ghana
Orange - My Blink 182 cd
Pink – Your ‘My Little Pony’ collection
Other –The elephant in the corner
6) What do you prefer to watch on TV?
One Tree Hill - Senile
Heroes- Frostbitten
Lost - High
Simpsons- Cowardly
The news - Scarred
American Idol - Masochistic
Family Guy - Open
Top Model - Middle-class
Annat -shamed
7) Your mood right now?
Happy - How awful you are
Sad - How boring you are
Bored - That I get turned on only by garbage men
Angry - That your smell makes me vomit
Depressed – That we’re related
Excited - That I may pee my pants
Nervous - The middle-east is planning their revenge on you
Worried - That your Ford sucks
Apathetic - That you need a sex-change
Silly - That I’m allergic to your earlobes
Cuddly - That Santa doesn’t exist
Ashamed - That there is no solution to you being a dumb kid
Other - That your driving sucks
What’s the color of your walls in your bedroom?
White - Your toe ring
Yellow - Your love letters to me
Red - The pictures from Vegas
Black - Your pet rock
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - Your car
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your nose hair clippers
Grey - Our matching snoopy underwear
Purple - Your old New Kids on the Block blanket
Pink - The cut toenails
Other - Your Hannah Montana underwear
9) The first letter of your first name?
A/B - My virginity
C/D - Your photo with the moustache drawn on it
E/F - Your neighbors dog
G/H - The oil tank from your car
I/J - Your left ear
K/L - The results of that blood-sample
M/N - Your glass eye
O/P - My common sense
Q/R - Your mom
S/T - Your collection of butterflies
U/V - Your criminal record
W/X – Your sucide note
Y/Z - Your credit cards
10) The last letter in your last name?
A/B - Love your sweet, sweet ass
C/D - Always will remember the pep talks
E/F -Never will forget that night
G/H – Will not tell the authorites that you stole the whale from the backyard.
I/J – Mocked you behind your back constantly
K/L - Hate your cooking
M/N - Told in my confession today about the moose poaching
O/P - Told my psychiatrist about the bruises
Q/R - Always wanted to break your legs
S/T - Get sick when I think of your feet
U/V - Will try to forget that you broke my heart
W/X - Haven’t showered in a month
Y/Z – am better off without you
11) What do you prefer to drink?
Wine- Our friendship is ruined
Soft drink – I’m off to lead a new life as a lemon
Soda – I will haunt you when I’m reincarnated as an Eskimo
Milk - The apartment building is on fire
Water – I’m scratching my butt as you read this
Cider– I have a passionate interest for mice
Juice – You ruined my attempts at another world war
Mineral/Vitamin water – You should get that embarrassing rash checked
Hot chocolate – Your Cucumber-fetishism is weird
Whiskey - I love Oprah Winfrey
Beer – Thanks for the Cocaine
Other – you should stop picking your nose
12) To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Thailand – Warm tingly sensations
Australia - Best of luck on the sex change
France - Love always
Spain - With tears of sadness
China – You make me sick
Germany – Please don’t hurt me
Japan - Go milk a cow
Greece - Your everlasting enemy
USA - Greetings to your frog Leonard
Egypt – Kiss my butt
England - Go drown yourself
14 March 2009 at 3:09 pm · Filed under Family Planning
Ha, so this is family life! A semi-vegetarian husband who nags me about my health, a baby who is too smart for his own good, a nanny who is partly deaf, a big house and garden with all kinds of fruits and flowers, an interesting job that keeps me away all day during the week, and making all sorts of compromises and adjustments to make things happen smoothly!
Wow, life was definitely simpler when I was single. However, there is a lot of joy in my life. Seeing the baby smile, watching him poke his head up like a little lizard, eating the great food my husband cooks, finding a bag to match my shoes, my daily Thai iced tea, finally finishing a concept paper, finally getting Internet access at home so that I can update this blog…!
16 December 2008 at 12:33 pm · Filed under Uncategorized
We are moving to a house. A house! And getting a nanny.
Are we being yuppified? Is that what happens when a couple gets a kid? Sayonara to our bohemian lifestyle?
We did find a lovely house that is four times the size of our apartment, but for less than twice the rent. Plus it has a little garden area, and is close to Daniel’s work and to the home of one of his colleagues. It has enough space for the baby to crawl and have his little adventures.
Our landlady seems very nice and helpful, and she speaks English quite well.
So we will start a new adventure in a new place this January!
26 November 2008 at 10:10 am · Filed under Food and Drink, Movies
This is a really wonderful film based on Isak Denisen’s short story. If you love fine dining, or have questions on how faith can be expressed in ordinary life (but you don’t want to read the writings of Saint Augustine), then watch this film ALL THE WAY TO THE END. There is truly no part that should be skipped.
I got inspired to write about it because the New York Times Critics’ Pick just featured it.
The review is on video, and can be accessed here. Small warning: the critic gives the plot, and that is rather unfortunate.
The charm of the movie is the plot itself, and the film’s development of the plot is loooooooooooong. This is not for the impatient, MTV crowd. The first 1.5 hours or so are devoted to just laying the foundation, and this foundation happens to be the lifetime of two graying spinster sisters. The story’s point is made in the final fifteen minutes.
I promise that if have patience, you will feel replete at the end.
Other great movies involving food where the food itself is important and you will feel some hunger while watching:
- Eat, Drink, Man, Woman (Yin shi nan nu) by Ang Lee (1994)
- The Age of Innocence by Martin Scorcese (1993)
- Like Water for Chocolate (Como Agua Para Chocolate) by Alfonso Arau (1992) BUT ESQUIVEL’S BOOK IS BETTER
- Chocolat by Lasse Hallström (2000)
- Fried Green Tomatoes by Jon Avnet (1991) — ok one won’t feel hunger, but something else with this one!
24 November 2008 at 11:21 am · Filed under Family Planning, Food and Drink
Muffled footsteps, quick furtive incursions, hands deftly but quietly doing their work, and then…
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
A shrill piercing shriek reminiscent of the velociraptor in Jurassic Park!
Baby woke up and is in agony. Colic is the enemy, and I am at war.
In my arsenal are:
- singing lullabies and pop songs (including American Pie that is strangely effective)
- my cradling arms
- Daniel’s efficient swaddling technique
- gripe water
- mahahing (an herbal concoction available in Thailand used as aromatherapy to draw out the gas)
- coconut juice for the third feeding
- hot water in between
feedings and for feeding after midnight
-
various burping positions
-
a strict diet for mommy that avoids stimulants, yeast, hormones, artificial food additives, pesticides and fertilizer; whatever I eat gets into the breastmilk
- and lately, a sarong-style sling that seems to lull him to sleep.
Hopefully, this war will last only 3 months.
8 October 2008 at 2:20 am · Filed under Family Planning
My hubby told me that after what I went through during delivery, nobody can intimidate me anymore! I said, “Yeah, I can tell people: ‘Don’t mess with me, buster - I’m a momma!’”
The Lamaze practice paid off. Daniel not only helped me keep my focus during the labor and delivery, but I managed to go through the whole thing without an epidural block! (The block would have meant I wouldn’t feel any pain, only pressure, and would have impaired my ability to push during delivery.) And this was despite the fact that our baby’s head is about twice the usual size for Southeast Asians (imagine my OB-GYN peering down during delivery and saying with surprise, oh the head is big, not small) AND the baby was face up (which means the back of his skull was pushing against my spine, adding to the pain).
There were complications with the baby who had to be resuscitated twice. I was praying so hard for all my guardian angels to help my baby. We really thought he might not make it. I couldn’t see what was happening, I could only hear the doctor and nurse doing something. Poor Daniel was holding my hand and seeing all the blood I was losing, and looking around to try and see what was happening to the baby.
I have to say that we chose the right hospital and doctor. He not only helped me deliver normally, but he got a good pediatrician and nurse to be in the delivery room, ready to resuscitate.
And so Michael Gregory Jager was born, and he had to struggle to live in his first minutes in the world. This is good, and he will be a fighter for the rest of his life.
I am now home, writing this after breastfeeding my baby from 12:40 to 1:30 AM. Daniel has been so supportive since the birth. And earlier tonight, we lay down and hugged next to the baby. I told him, It doesn’t get better than this!
21 September 2008 at 1:14 pm · Filed under Current Affairs, Web/Tech
Well, Duuuuuuuuh!
The New York Times ran an article on how it is apparently dangerous to send SMS while doing something else, such as walking in the street, driving a car, or driving a train. Apparently, the recent train crash in LA happened while the train engineer was sending and receiving SMS.
It seems that we can no longer expect that we can think for ourselves. All our actions and decisions have to be regulated. I would have thought that it is only sensible that people should pay close attention to a task at hand when operating heavy equipment or doing something risky. But no, we have to be told not to drive and SMS, not to walk and SMS, sheeeeeeesh.
I would like to catch all people who SMS while doing other risky things, put them in the same room, and ask who among them refuse to think for themselves about such an obvious thing as not sending SMS while driving. Those who refuse will get free brain surgery by a surgeon who is sending and receiving SMS while opening up their skulls and mucking about.
Anyone who is surprised to find himself in the middle of the road about to be hit by a vehicle because she or he was sending SMS while walking deserves to be roadkill. That person ranks right up there with people who join Fear Factor as candidates for Darwinian extinction!
15 September 2008 at 6:57 am · Filed under Family Planning
It’s amazing, I reached week 38! No major problems at all, except for the fact that sleeping time is always something I dread. I can’t sleep on my back, so my back and left hip are always killing me in the morning.
Doc has spoiled the surprise. He blurted out two weeks ago that the baby is a boy! Ah well, now we can only quibble over the name.
I’m partial to Michael so we can call him Mick (Jager, get it?)
I’ve got a lot of little stretch marks now, but Daniel is still happy with my bump. He says it is a really nice round shape, and no other part of me has gained mass.
I’m still psyching myself to have a natural birth and to breastfeed. I signed up for a normal delivery package at the hospital, and bought four nursing bras. Since I haven’t had major problems so far, despite my age and distaste for veggies, so I’m hoping that my good luck will continue!
27 August 2008 at 5:37 am · Filed under Family Planning
Choices, choices. Meanwhile, the clock is ticking.
I’m 5 weeks away from D-Day, +/- 2 weeks. People keep asking if I’m excited, and I am, but not very, because I’ve always somehow been calm about the pregnancy. Er, except when I think that the baby is threatened.
On Saturday, we’ll have our first childcare learning session at this fancy international hospital here. I hope that we will like the hospital. They have an option for a water birth, something that the Mission Hospital won’t do. Of course, we won’t know if I’m eligible for a water birth until I meet with the doctor. We plan to do that if the ultrasound scheduled for Monday will show no problems with the baby.
At Mission, they have a policy of having a natural birth with the mother lying down and the physician will do an episiotomy at some point. We were asking the doctor if it’s possible not to do it at all. He said no, because it’s the only way to control how the tearing of the vaginal muscles will happen. Ok, we understand that sometimes the tearing is really bad, but we were hoping that he could be willing to wait and see if it is really necessary or not.
Maybe if the baby is tiny, it will be possible. Somehow, I know the baby will be long at birth, and given Daniel’s big skull and shoulders at birth, and my big skull and shoulders, I guess it will be a big baby.
So, normal or C-section? If normal, standard way or water birth?
*sigh
I just met a former colleague and teammate who just got married and promptly got herself pregnant. Including her, three people in our team are pregnant! We were talking about when to have an ultrasound, and that they both will have the test for Down’s syndrome that Daniel and I refused, and how every day it’s a battle about food — to eat or not to eat sweet food, a lot of food, any kind of food, only what you can keep down… Even whether or not to have a big baby is a choice, but of course, Daniel and I prefer a small one.
In the past, I had to choose whether to give birth here or in Manila (that would mean resigning so that I can fly home in my 5th month).
I’m sure that after the birth, it will be a new set of choices!
But after writing all of this down, I am glad of the situation. After all, we do have options!
20 July 2008 at 8:41 pm · Filed under Family Planning
Having a baby means dealing with our own issues, some of which we may have gotten as infants. I had another small scare.
Last Saturday, during dinner at a resort, I was standing on a small metal footbridge, about 4 meters above a rushing stream. There are rocks and boulders immediately below it. I was saying goodbye on my phone when a guy walking towards me suddenly lurched and bumped me hard.
I lost my balance, but somehow my left foot replanted itself solidly before I could fall over the side railing on my left. I was first afraid, but the emotion quickly turned to fury. I wheeled around to face the offender. He himself was a bit angry, because he thought I bumped into him. The guy was reeking of beer, and that probably accounted for his misstep.
He suddenly saw my fury and my belly, and turned around and walked away hurriedly before I could shout at him and come after him. I really wanted to beat him up. He and his companions were sitting two tables behind us, and the rest saw what happened and were looking concernedly at me as I returned from the bridge and angrily told Daniel what happened.
Daniel was unaware of what happened, and at that moment it upset me more. Why isn’t he watching over me at every moment? Slowly, my anger dissipated and returned to fear and I burst into tears in the restaurant. I was having visions of falling over, landing on my belly because right now, that is the heaviest and densest part of my body, and so gravity would pull it down faster than the rest of me.
Fear-anger-fear. Like Yoda might say, Anger fear leads to. Hate anger leads to. The Dark Side hate leads to. It seems that a lot of my early fears are surfacing, especially in moments of distress.
I guess I have a lot more to work through before the baby is born so that none of these are projected onto the child, and I will not turn into a fearful mother like my own mom (and many Asian moms). I guess our overprotectiveness comes from these repressed fears.
« Previous entries ·
Next entries »
