I noticed that for the last two years, I have posted about motherhood more than any other topic.  Does this mean that I am always in my real moment?  Does it mean I have truly made my family my only priority?  Does it mean that my role as a mother is the role where I do most of my learning?  Is this Nature winning over Nurture?

Perhaps I should relish this focus while it lasts.  My baby has turned one, and he keeps reminding me that he doesn’t want to be treated as a baby anymore.  I can’t explain how he manages to convey this message, but he does it well.  From his perspective, I think this is what is happening now:

I want to make my own decisions about when to kiss or not kiss Mommy.

I want to say if I don’t want to eat or drink something, even if it is “good” for me according to grown-ups.

That time that I was sick in the hospital, those tall people kept giving me pain, or scaring me, or confusing me, and were always looking down at me and never asked me if what they were doing was okay!

Why can’t I touch what I want to touch?

Hey, that looks interesting!  I wonder what it tastes like…

Why is Mommy saying No! a lot?  Daddy let’s me do more stuff!

Mommy what’s this?  What’s that?

Go back, I want to look at it again!

Wow, the world looks better upside down!

What’s this?  No, this!  No!  This!  … … I wonder what it tastes like …

Since he was two months old, he has been able to indicate to me the direction of where he wants to go.  He used to use his whole body to show me where.  Now he has mastered the use of his index finger!

He also bullies his nanny.  Get me this, get me that, pick me up, take me there, where are you, I want to play…  all that, and he just uses a series of baby garble burbles, some tiny shrieks, and exasperated grunts that he learned from Mommy.  I have had to gently scold him twice about how he treats other people whenever he bullies the nanny.

Oh yeah, and he hates being scolded, no matter how gentle the scolding.

And he is such a sweetheart.  He loves nature, he has a beautiful smile, and clear eyes still unclouded by suspicion or envy.  He keeps life simple and interesting.  Every day, Daniel and I are talking about him - what he did, what he seems to have learned, and what we learn about ourselves because of him.

Having a child is creating a new dimension of my life.  It truly feels like I have two lives now, with two hearts, two minds, two souls.

Motherhood is its own reward.  At least for this first year.  And I have a feeling that it will be the same for every year of motherhood.